Gospel singer, Bolaji Dekunle-Oniyo, aka Psalmos, and her producer hubby, Adekunle Dekunle-Oniyo, tell TOFARATI IGE about the golden moments in their marriage

How did you meet your husband?
Psalmos: I met him in my former church actually and we were in the choir together. Later, we started working together professionally and he was producing my songs.

What would you say was the point of attraction for you?
Psalmos: I was attracted by his looks obviously, and he is talented. He is also very passionate about what he does. Those days, whenever I got to church, I always saw him practising on the keyboard, or trying to do one thing or the other. My instincts also told me he is the one for me, because I have always been a lover of music.

Adekunle: I would say it was her beauty that captivated me. I didn’t really know when she joined the choir, because I was there before her. I was just talking to my nephew one day when I saw her, and I asked, “Who is this beautiful girl?”

For how long did you court before getting married?
Psalmos: We courted for about three years, and we have been married for nine years.

What convinced you that your spouse was the one for you?
Adekunle: We started dating about six months after we met, and we had a pretty long courtship. At the time I proposed to her, I already knew the type of personality she had. She doesn’t tell lies. I watched her closely, and I also prayed about it. I later got the signs I wanted.

How did you propose to her?
Adekunle: My proposal wasn’t official. It was awkward but I did anyway. On that day, we went for rehearsals, and after that, we went to eat Amala. It was while we were eating that I proposed to her.

How would you describe your marital journey in the past nine years?
Adekunle: I believe I got married to the right person. When you get married to the right person, with the right motive, understanding and intention, you would enjoy your union. Sometimes, God has a way of disappointing people when they go into marriage because of reasons that are not Biblical and godly. So far, we have enjoyed ourselves. I am not saying that everything has been perfect. We’ve had our moments, but we always stick together. That has made us stronger.

Psalmos: It has been wonderful. We have had our ups and downs, but it has been a learning experience for us. We have learnt a lot in this marriage and whenever we give marital advice to people, it seems as if we have been married for ages. When we first got married, it was quite challenging because it was a case of two strong, tough, and hot people coming together. We are now more mature. We get angry at each other, but we always end it with laughter.

Whenever you have disagreements, who is usually the first to apologise?
Psalmos: He has always been the one. He is quick to say sorry, and I am learning from him. It’s not like he doesn’t get angry, but he knows how to control his anger.

Can you recall the first major disagreement you had in marriage was about?
Psalmos: No, we can’t really recall. Getting married means that you have to forgive and forget.

How would you describe your personalities before you got married?
Adekunle: I am a disciplined person and she is also that way; she can snap at any time. Every man should go into marriage with the understanding that a woman is the weaker vessel. Whatever you do to justify your anger won’t be fair as a man. Whenever we have issues, that’s part of what motivates me to say sorry.

Psalmos: He has actually said it all because he is gentle and he is the one that makes me very humble.

Do you have pet names for each other?
Psalmos: We both call ourselves ‘baby.’ Whenever I call his name, he knows that there is a serious matter.

How have you been able to manage working together as husband and wife?
Psalmos: Like I said earlier, music is one of the things that brought us together. We both love music passionately and we enjoy working together. We have a studio in the house; so, that makes things easier for us. He complements me in music. When I am writing a song and I don’t get it right, he finishes it for me.

Adekunle: I never wanted to marry a woman that is in my field, because I believe every musician uses 50 per cent of their privacy for their music and when they don’t get it, their music dies. Sometimes we clash, but we always manage it. She always brings out the best in me.

What challenges have you had to contend with in the course of your marriage?
Psalmos: We have been married for nine years but we had to wait for six years before we started having children. We believed God for six years before we had a child. That alone can break a marriage but we stuck together because we love ourselves. There was a lot of pressure from friends and family but we decided to stick together. When God sees genuine love, He dwells there. I am sure He saw that we love each other and he decided to bless us. Now, we have a son and daughter. When we got married, we didn’t have anything. We didn’t even have a mattress, so we were sleeping on the rug.

What were some of the challenges you faced during the six years while waiting for a child, and how were you able to overcome them?
Adekunle: There were a lot of challenges. At a time when my wife travelled, some people were telling her to leave me, that I was not her ordained husband. People were using God’s name to say all sorts of things. When some people are trying to force you do things, they can go to any length to see you do that. That is why when you are married, you should have a relationship with God, especially for the man. If you have a relationship with God, when your woman talks to you, you will tell her some things to convince her. There are some things my wife would not have the strength to carry, and I have to encourage her at such times. We had several issues with our respective families over this matter and at a point, some funny guys started coming into the picture, and they even tell me. That’s why it is very important to trust your spouse. Sometimes, when my wife travels for ministrations abroad, she stays with men, and she would even be the one asking me why I don’t check on her regularly. I would then tell her that communication across borders is expensive but I always make sure we talk at least once daily. Some of the things we see in marriage are not driven by the way we are, it is driven by what we have settled spiritually. Once you settle some things spiritually, it will manifest like that physically. It is not only in marriage but in every aspect of our lives.  We just have to allow God to do the work for us. God really helped; in fact, I can’t even imagine how we survived it.

Do you have any special way you celebrate your wedding anniversary?
Adekunle: We don’t really do anything special to celebrate our wedding anniversaries. We are romantic but we don’t do some things the way the world expects us to.

How do you unwind?
Psalmos: We unwind every day. Sometimes, we could just decide to be dancing at home, or he could decide to cook for the house. We also go out sometimes, and at other times, we play with our children. Whenever we go outside Lagos for ministrations and we are lodged in hotels, we seize those moments to unwind. We don’t wait for special days; we unwind all the time.

What are your favourite meals?
Psalmos: He likes beans and fried plantain (dodo), and he has made me to start eating beans and dodo all the time too. As for me, I love solid foods with good soup.

Can you recall some of the memorable moments of your marriage so far?
Psalmos: We have a lot of those because we spend most times together and we have been through a lot together. I remember that I had my first son through Caesarian Section, and I told the doctor that I wanted my husband to be in the theatre with me. He was in there with me and knowing that he was right there meant a lot, though he was scared through it all. Those are some of the moments I cherish most, and when I came out of the surgery, he was the one telling me everything that happened. We are more like siblings. He was also with me when I had my second child. Those are things that money cannot buy. Even our families know that we always want to be together, and some of them are learning from us in that regard.

How has the birth of your children impacted on your marriage?
Psalmos: Even though we waited for six years, we had imagined them spiritually before they came, but their births have added more responsibilities. Having our children has made me to know my husband in another dimension. I didn’t know that he could bath a child or do some chores but when I gave birth, he was the one who gave our first child his first bath. We always help each other and sometimes, it affects his job because he had to delay some assignments to attend to us. He is a good father and husband.

Adekunle: Very positively; it has made my wife to calm down.  When a woman gives birth, she becomes calmer. Children bring a lot of joy. Initially, it made her not to function well in her career, but everything is blending now. Everything is normal and perfect.

Copyright PUNCH.
Share To:


Post A Comment: